Monday, April 24, 2017

GREYSON & LIV: Falling To Pieces

*****OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS COMING SOON*****

THREE YEARS LATER…

I finally have her. After obsessing about Olivia since third grade, she was mine—unreservedly, irrevocably mine. 

We were on our last year in college, mad happy and crazy in love. And just when I thought I was the luckiest man alive, life just had to throw me a curveball. 

The past three years were the best ones I’ve had to date. But Hell was ready for a pay back. 

Luck. 

I sure could use some. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

COMING OUT: SEPTEMBER 28 2017


☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, April 8, 2017

SIDE NOTE TO TORN SERIES FANS



For those of you wondering what happened to Carter Mason’s book...
Damaged had to be scrapped. The tone of the whole story was too somber and depressing…I simply wasn’t happy on how the book came about. So I’d decided to take his story and evolve it to something less doom and gloom. His book will be named “Carter Mason” and will include some of Damage merely as flashbacks. I’ll build a new story around that. Thank you for being patient. 


Here’s bit and pieces from Damage: 


The eve of Lindsey’s wedding…


A soft knock rapped on the door, interrupting my web surfing while I enjoyed a cold beer.  


As the brother of the bride, I’ll be walking her down the aisle. Normally I wouldn’t mind the attention but bearing the fact that the woman who turned my marriage proposal down and made me half of the man I was, was in attendance, well it’s another turmoil to overcome with. 


If this was Lindsey wanting to reassure me like mother who coddles her child I wouldn’t know what to do with her. Maybe it’s Amber, my mind interjected. She sure didn’t seem like herself when I saw her earlier on. But upon opening the door, I was surprised to find her standing before me, seeming unsure and pregnant more than ever. 


My eyes widened. My heart stopped beating. My blood burned from hot to cold then back at it again in a vicious manner than I felt out of element. 


Reeling at the sight of Emma, instead of greeting her like a normal person would, I simply stared at her, hard. Tongue-tied. 


“I thought I might drop in to say hi,” she nervously said with a strained smile on her face. “Tomorrow’s the big day…and with our friends there, I thought it’d be a good idea to hash out any awkward encounter for tomorrow’s bid day.” 


I blankly stared at her, hearing her words and yet none of it seemed to register in my head. 


Blue eyes sparked fire before she bit her lip and looked away. “May I come in?” she shyly asked before lifting those mesmerizing blues on my heartbroken ones. 


She was undoubtedly pregnant and her protruding stomach was the first thing that caught my attention. But even though she was…she made pregnancy look beautiful. Emma absolutely took my breath away. 


Making a serious nod, I stepped to the side to let her through before closing it right behind her. Her scent lingered, toying with me, commanding all of my senses in at a moment’s notice. Her intoxicating smell engulfed me…the thought immediately hit me that she still wore the same perfume…the very same one she left in my home…and the culprit behind my madness of literally annihilating the damn scent, pushing towards insanity as I gulped it down because I couldn’t get enough of her. That was one of many. Hence the downward spiral…


“How have you been?” She cautiously asked, granting me a soft melancholy gaze with those familiar blue eyes I loved so much. 


Masking my darkened thoughts, I made sure there was enough distance between us. Here I thought that as long as I couldn’t smell her, I’d be in a much safer space. A sniff of her scent had my alarm bells ringing. It was an indicator that resisting any crazy notion wasn’t far off, so playing this encounter with cool detached was imperative for my survival. Considering her question, I pressed my lips together while my eyes landed on her stomach. “I’m…I am what I am.” 


Her brows furrowed, puzzled at my response. “Which translates to what, Carter?” 


“I’m living…surviving.” Voicing it out loud didn’t do much to my already beaten self worth. It hurt to admit it to anyone and pretty much to myself, but there was no victory in hiding the truth. This was Emma. She knew—all it took was one look at me and she immediately would know everything. 


“I heard about what happened…” With a pained expression, Emma took a step towards me but I immediately took a step back, fearing close contact with her. “I’m so sorry—the last thing I wished was to hurt you again after what you had done for me…you were so good to me, Carter,” she choked up while her eyes welled with tears. “I destroyed everything…I destroyed you.” 


My hand itched to wipe the moisture off her eyes. Even to this day, it pained me to see her crying. Was I really this weak? Am I not entitled to have a little hate in me and tell her off about how fucked up it was to lead me on like that? To break a man when he was already vulnerable? What right did she have? I knew I brought most of the demise of our relationship in the beginning but that didn’t justify the havoc she put me through. She placed me through the ringer and back to Hell. It was agonizing, soul breaking. 


“I don’t deserve it…but I hope you can forgive me one day.” 


The funny thing about forgiveness was one had the power to do so. In our case, she didn’t need one. If I didn’t have the capacity to even hate her in the slightest, forgiving her wasn’t necessary because I loved her, and through that…everything she did, including the past and the present, were pardoned. A man couldn’t summon hatred in his heart wherever she was concerned, I could tell her that at least. The last thing I wanted for her was to worry. Given her present condition, even if I was irreparably broken, I wouldn’t be able to bear it if she was wasting time feeling guilty. I’d rather endure the suffering than have her in that position. “There’s no need for that. You must already know…that my love for you is strong enough to battle and cure any ill feelings I might’ve had towards you.” 


Huge teardrops fell from her precious face. “That’s too generous, I don’t deserve it.” 


Her lips trembled, making my gaze hone in on them as temptation knocking me out of air that I could barely breathe. It was a combination of being in a state of high but also in the lowest of low. It was a thrilling mixture of both and it left me perplexed. 


The desire to kiss her, to possess her for the last time was terrifying. God help me, I knew she was pregnant but that didn’t even lessen my yearning for her. In my eyes, she was Emma. The woman I was supposed to marry. The only woman I fought so hard for. The one I vowed to love and protect at all costs whether she was mine or not…until the very end. 


Consumed with turbulent emotions, I restrained myself from wiping the tears away from her face. “Is he treating you well?” I had to ask, hearing it from her and not from the media and friends but from her own lips. Besides, changing the subject was imperative since my mind was wandering in dangerous territory and the last thing I would ever wish was for her to feel uncomfortable with me. After all that she and I had been through, I wanted to part in good terms—without any lingering guilt or doubts—on both our ends. For our sakes and peace of mind. 


Those unforgettable cherry lips parted, gazing at me with mixture of confusion and bewilderment as if she didn’t know how to react to my question. 
“Yes, he’s very attentive…more than I could ever ask for or deserve…” Emma’s words heavily laced with remorse, making me even more determined to reassure her that it was okay for her to be happy. 


My gaze softened as it caressed her face. “That’s good to hear, Ems. If there’s another man that loved you just as much, I knew it’d be him. I don’t expect any less from him. I know where he’s coming from and I’m confident that he’d give you everything just to keep a smile on your face.” 


She sniffed as more tears fell. She was on the verge of really folding in and letting emotions conquer her. “Don’t say things like that…” 


“It’s true.” From the bottom of my heart. From the depths of my soul. Her happiness meant the world to me or I wouldn’t have given up fighting for her if I knew Bass loved her any less than I did. 


“Each time I think back…you…us…I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I feel like a monster for breaking your heart.” 


“You had to do what you felt was right, Emma.” 


“I know but it came at a high cost.” 


“Everything good comes at a price.” 


“Whatever happens…I just wanted to tell you that I’m truly sorry and that I really loved you too…but things changed along the way—I changed and somehow through the chaos I fell in love again. Forgive me for hurting you; it was hard to live with myself for a time. It ate me up and kept me up at night.” 


Her words though felt like daggers to my heart, it also happened to be a balm to the punctured wounds. I wasn’t sure when it’ll heal but knowing that what I had with her was real—that for a time she and I were true to each other—it was enough. This was closure, more for her than I…but at least the dust had finally settled. Any lingering questions I had dissipated. Giving in, I gradually made it towards her and held her for as long as I could. Tears threatened behind my eyeballs as I kissed the top of her forehead for the last time. For a brief moment, I let myself bask at the feeling of coming home. “I love you and as much as it hurts me to keep doing so, I want you to know—” I murmured as Emma shook her head, weeping. “No listen, even if it doesn’t seem like it is, I’m glad that you’ve found happiness. You deserve it—embrace this new life you have and never look back, Ems. Do that for me will you?” 


“I love you too.” 


“I know you do. You just love him a little bit more.” 


“Someday…someone will come into your life…don’t hold yourself back.” 


Somehow I doubted it but I wasn’t going to tell her that, I didn’t need to give her another reason to bawl her eyes out more. “We shall see.” 


“You’re a good man, Carter. You deserve someone that’d be just as crazy about you.” 


Luck wasn’t going to come by twice. Not on my doorstep at least. Instead of responding to her, I kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep, Emma. There’s nothing to stress about me. I’ll be okay. I’ll survive. That’s what survivors do.” 


Even though my heart ached at the idea that my love was all lost, I vowed to try and set her free from my thoughts. As for my heart, I knew I was left loving her from afar. The future was bleak—lifeless and uninspiring. 

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Savage Coming Out May 2017




Temptation is a wild dance—a tug of war of will, of faith, testing your limits, stretching your boundaries until you succumb to its wicked spell. Once it’s touched you—tainted you—there’s no turning back. It stays with you, feeding your doubts, nurturing your insecurity.

Love…it can only go so far until it could no longer heal you. When your soul seeks for something darker, an element harder to define and you find yourself lost, forever searching for that missing piece that promises to complete you, there’s no turning back.

Like a ticking time bomb, I knew sooner or later everything would begin to crumble.
I should’ve known better.




Monday, March 27, 2017

Novel in progress...

The Guardian: New Standalone 

This hasn’t been edited. Pardon the mishaps.

Synopsis:

While girls her age lost their virginity before they reached eighteen, Gisele wholeheartedly reserved hers, plotting the perfect moment to give it away to Jared St. James. So she waited until she was of legal age, hoping that he'd see her in a different light and not the besotted little girl who used to follow him around. She was insanely beautiful, witty and vivaciously full of life and the only thing she wished for was one night in his arms.

Tech billionaire Jared St. James was a renowned whiz in his field. At the age of nineteen, he had been reveled all over the world and was already working at one of Silicon Valley’s top companies, working and thriving under the guidance of his mentor Peter Weber, Gisele’s father.

Jared worked incessant hours and didn't have the time to be in a relationship. The ones he had, well, they lingered awhile hoping that he'd commit to them but eventually, he’d move on to the next trophy girlfriend. Gisele Weber fitted the bill but Jared scarcely paid attention to her.

But the moment she secured his attention, it was all for the wrong reasons and Gisele found herself in a ceaseless revolving wheel of madness, chasing for the man who didn’t want to be caught.

They did say be careful for what you wish for…


Gisele

“Are you sure you want to wear a wig?” Vivienne Wolf skeptically glanced at me with her usually serene face now contorted with disapproval. She certainly did not like my loony idea the moment it hatched from my less than lucid mind.

The plan on how to seduce the man I had designs since the beginning of time materialized when I was two bottles deep into Dom Perignon. While Vivienne and Blair had busied themselves from swaying from one crush to the other, I remained resolute, beholden to one man, the unsmiling, all seriousness Jared St. James.

We were in Blair’s bedroom, lavishly decorated in pink, black and gold, the very portrayal of her personality—the bitchy princess. She wasn’t royal but she lived with every ounce of the pampered princess, all regal, snobbish and anyone she deemed stupid would get a serious whiplash from her scathing remarks.

“That’s the whole point, she has to look different or he’d immediately recognize her!” Blair Rinaldi irately remarked back at our friend. She’d been short-tempered lately after breaking up with the twenty-one year old João Roberto, the hottest Brazilian man we had ever seen. She stated that she was too young to fall in love and that at her blossoming stage; there was so much to experience in life than be caught up in romance and skew your fresh perspective of the future. Although her parents were still married, they lived in separate bedrooms and her father wasn’t particularly discreet with this mistresses. Her mother had drilled it into her head that no man was to be trusted. And I suppose her mother’s wisdom reflected on how she treated the opposite sex, as if they were simply dispensable. And yet here was Blair a week after breaking that man’s heart, short fused and desperately scouring for a rebound.

Best friends since the age of five, we’re thick as thieves, sisters not by blood but a stronger bond that went over beyond the normal call of friendships. Vivienne and Blair had their fair share of going boy crazy and through it all, I had been there standing guard, making sure that their parents hadn’t had a clue of the kind of mischief they were up to. Both women had their fun and this time it was my turn. Little did they know what I had in mind. Oh I could be naughty too, it just had to be with the right person. After years of being teased of being a good girl because I didn’t want to date anyone else—the always designated, straight A student and a certified sober bore was about to wander into the naughty world. One night, it was all I dreamt of, just one night with him then I’d fully let go of this grand delusion of loving a man from afar.

“I honestly don’t get why you have to put yourself through all this, Gisele? I’m sure you already know but there’s a sea of guys who’d die to have you in their life. Why can’t you just drop this idea of Jared? He’s too old for you anyway.” Vivienne unwittingly remarked.

Vivienne would never understand it. Though she wasn’t prudish, she didn’t like the idea of pursuing men. In her mind, it should be the other way around. We all loved to be chased, I mean who wouldn’t? But my circumstances were different than theirs. While they lavished on young men’s attention, as did I once in awhile if they were cute and engaging enough, my attention had been held by one man and one man alone from as far as I could remember.

Jared was the only male I had met who wasn’t fascinated by my beauty. And since the man was worth billions, my father’s riches didn’t impress him either. My father, Peter Weber, was the in the world’s top ten richest man. And Jared trailed closely behind him. The two were like father and son but Jared never spared me a glance. He was always so reserved and only spoke when I politely addressed him but he never went out of his way to converse with me. I suppose with the ten-year age gap, in his mind, there wasn’t much to discuss with me. Add the fact that electronics and science, wasn’t truly my forte, most likely added to the severity of that situation.

I was more like my mother; Edna Weber was once the Miss Universe, a beauty queen from Brazil and had caught my father’s eye when he was about to reach the pinnacle of his success. Though many would argue that she sought him for his riches, their relationship was built on love. I grew up knowing and feeling the love from both of my parents. Well up until three years ago, when my mother died from a throat surgery, my father’s never been the same. The loss of my mother had taken a toll on him. The once vibrant man now had his brightness dimmed with profound sorrow severely etched around his gaunt face. Before mom died he had weekends off but those days were long gone. These days he spent his every waking moment in his company, busy going through new inventions and progressing the evolving world of technology. As much as I was in awe of my father, I wished that he’d spare me some attention because it wasn’t only him who lost a loved one. I lost her too.

“So what’s the plan again?” Vivienne intently glanced at Blair and I. “What if he shows up with that chick he’s been seeing lately? What’s the protocol on that?”

As much as I loved my friends sometimes they give me little credit. They should know better that I wouldn’t even take such a massive risk if there were a possibility of Jared having a woman in his life at the moment. He was much of a womanizer, in a sense, he stuck to one woman however the longevity of the relationship. “She won’t be there. Jared doesn’t recycle past lovers. Yovanna was out the door the second she made that tabloid interview.”

“How could you be so sure?” Vivienne gave me a sparing look as she scrutinized the inky black wig with condemnation.

“Because I know him. He hates being in the media. He keeps a low profile and Yovanna just blasted his personal business to the world. If my timeline is right, he’d be on a prowl to replace her position. So in my book, he’s been single for a week now.”

Vivienne’s bright blue eyes sparkled with amusement. “Good God, you studied the poor guy.”

Blair snickered. “He’s far from poor but yeah, you can’t fault Gisele for plotting this perfectly.”

I was devious and cunning…but only when I needed something accomplished. And tonight, my sights were on the man I had craved for years now. “All I need is one night…then I can begin living my life.” It was a desperate attempt to simply temporarily possess something that wasn’t mine to behold. Somehow, I felt it right for Jared to take away my virginity before I begin dating men my own age. It was mad but it was how I felt.

Tonight was Hank Rinaldi’s sixtieth birthday and everyone important was going to be in attendance including Jared. The second Blair gave me the green light that Jared’s secretary accepted the invitation, my plan began to unfold.

Blair’s long lacquered fingertips brushed through the wig’s silky hair. “Do you want to put on the contacts first or the wig?” Blair excitedly suggested.

Jared liked dark-haired women. It was a known fact to whoever knew him.

My vivid grey eyes will be blue tonight. My blonde tresses will be hidden under a wavy mass of black hair. I intend to seduce and I had to make do with whatever arsenal I could enhance.

I was to be a twenty-five year old socialite who just recently came back from South Africa doing charity work for her father’s foundation. That’s all I knew and I suppose I simply had to improvise if Jared would bite the bait I’d cast. Although I had no firsthand experience in seduction, I suppose I had seen enough movies to figure out how to catch a man’s attention.

Tonight was my night. No matter what happens next, I was going to get Jared to notice me.


COMING AFTER THE RELEASE OF SAVAGE…approx. MAY/JUNE 2017



Monday, March 13, 2017

New Release: Unapologetic



River Ellis was a whirlwind of an experience when life was monotonously bland, harshly unforgiving and unequivocally foul. He showed me a world that wasn’t gray, nor black or white. We were bright and colorful, purely unadorned and raw, stripped of superficial perceptions of life. 

He was my childhood friend. My lover. My partner. I loved and worshipped him with entirety, with every pulse. With every bated breath in my body, I was his and he was mine. We burned brighter than the sun, and together, we clashed, fell, and soared. Together, we made the perfect harmony. 

Then everything changed the moment he decided to chase his dream. While he became riveted in Hollywood’s glittery façade, I found myself alone, whereas he lived his life to the fullest. I became the shadow of his past, dimming in the sunlight that we once orbited and gravitated. Gradually, as time passed, the inevitable happened. Then darkness completely filled my life, cloaking me and embracing me when I became fragile and utterly broken, teaching me the hardest lesson of all. 
It’s better to have loved with my all and having had the chance to know what it’s like to find something so beautiful than endure a lifetime of never knowing it at all. 

It made me fathom that such beauty shouldn’t be held on to. You shouldn’t choke it, stifling it until life drained away. Instead, you had to let go, set it free, and let it ride the waves so other people could experience that one of a kind rapturous, profound mystery as I once had. 

Love was blinding and beautiful, but it also was a casualty. And after the tumultuous breakdown I had, I’m earnestly devoted in avoiding it at all cost.



KOBO 




Happy reading! xx

Friday, June 17, 2016

Sunday, June 12, 2016

★★★ Goodreads Book Giveaway ★★★

★★Scornfully Yours by Pamela Ann ★★

Released January 31 2013
GIVEAWAY ENDS in about 20 hours (June 12, 2016)

2 copies available, 941 people requesting